I read about the 30 Posts of Truth at Mother Moon‘s blog. I love the idea of reflecting on my life and looking at it long and hard and truthfully. What a great way to go into the quiet time of winter. For a full list of the thirty posts, visit The Karma Project or click on the Truth button on my sidebar.
The first post is something you hate about yourself. I am constantly trying to improve myself, but there is one thing that I struggle with–that darn stubborn streak. I tend to shoot myself in the foot for the principle of things. I tend to make my own life difficult because I set my feet into the ground and won’t give. I end up a lot like trying to lead an unbroken goat or maybe like trying to force my three-thousand pound ox to go somewhere he doesn’t want to be.
Sometimes, especially at work, I stand behind my stubborn streak. I have to do what I believe is in the best interest of the kids. When I have parents and administrators and politicians determining what I do in my classroom, I have to stand up to that when it is not going to help my behavior disorder students learn how to be successful. It’s what makes my job miserable right now–my hands are tied, and I see kids’ behavior being reinforced instead of changing. I seem to constantly be fighting for what is right. Even though I know I do not have the support of parents and administrators, I continue to stand up to them and suffer the consequences of harassment. My life could be so much easier if I just didn’t dig my feet in.
On the farm and with my son, I tend to shoot myself in the foot also. But, dang it, it’s my farm and my house and I just want things to be my way. My life would be much less stressful, however, if I could just go with the flow. I guess that is what I need to do. Give up on the stubborn and flow like the water, taking the path of least resistance to where I must go.