I’m Sorry

Today’s challenge from Kerry at Real Toads is to conduct an inner monologue.  The words your character wouldd like to say to someone so that it reaveals both the speaker and their inteded audience’s personalities.

I said I’m sorry

and left it at that.

What I wanted

to tell you was

so much more.

I really wanted to say

I’m sorry you’re

being sent away,

that you have to

live in a facility

away from family

and friends and the dog

I know you love so much.

I’m sorry you’ll

be surrounded by

strangers that are

paid to watch you

eat and watch you sleep

and strangers that

are hurting inside

just as much as you.

I’m sorry your parents

believed your lies

and didn’t check to make

sure you really were

at your friend’s house.

I’m sorry those people

who weren’t really your

friend encouraged you

to try those drugs.

I’m sorry you lost control

of your dreams, your body,

your soul.

I’m sorry nobody checked

when you started missing school;

they just shook their heads

like it was too late

to save you from this.

I’m sorry this is happening

to you and I’m helpless

to do anything about it.

If I could have followed

you everywhere, telling

you the dangers and

who to avoid,

I would have.

I wish I could have been

by your side

protecting you all along.

I’m sorry I ignored

all those little signs

and cues that would have

warned me if only

I had known.

I’m so sorry, little

sister, that I was just

too busy to know

how much you were hurting

and begging me to help.

I’m sorry I didn’t

love you more.

 

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11 thoughts on “I’m Sorry

  1. This is a real heartbreaker, Teresa. So well done, and so very, very sad. Unfortunately, the comment from Tigerbrite is true, so the elder sister really doesn’t bear the guilt, even though she feels it so strongly.
    K

  2. We are each responsible for ourselves. If we can help others… fine, but their lives are their own responsibility. We cannot make up for other people’s weaknesses if they do not want to move on from them.

  3. This is really powerful 🙂 You’ve really captured that guilt and emotion that makes a person suffer so much 🙂 Well done! 😀 And I agree with Mimi that you should make it into a poster 😀

  4. Teresa, what a gut-level and honest write here. Thank you for sharing it though, and yes – maybe it will open the eyes of someone else. Apart from that, I hope wherever your sister is she is getting the held she needs and that you can forgive yourself for what you did not do and remember what you DID do in trying to help.

  5. I can imagine you screaming this from the top of your lungs …. so very sad. Beautifully written, and yes.. this should be required reading.

  6. Ah, Teresa…its so hard to live with that inner voice. You pull out all the stops in this one–and how it hurts. But if someone can learn from it, well worth it.

  7. I can imagine someone in this position having this conversation with her absent sister in her mind, over and over and never getting to the point where she could forgive herself. It is very hard-hitting to read of addiction presented in this style – brings it very close to home.

  8. All the way to the very end I had this nagging voice in the back of my head that would not shut up saying: Re-post this from the heart of a teacher, re-post on Facebook, guidance counselors need this poem on their walls—–and then you dropped the “little sister line.” Someday, hopefully, “little sister” will actually be able to hear this. Meanwhile, I hope you publish it.

  9. What a poignant and heartrending inner monologue and isnt it true? all the things we wish we could say, that the simple “I’m sorry” doesnt begin to cover? You nailed this one! So sad.

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