The Heart’s Underground

Today’s challenge at d’Verse Poets is to write a poem about the underground.  Here is my humble offering.

Paying bills and feeding
the cats and the kid–
doing it all–work and school,
just like I’m supposed to do.
Losing myself in the process,
sinking into the heart’s underground.

Working through the day
respectable, clean-cut and clever,
climbing the corporate ladder
doing the grind of nine to five
and another on the weekend
just like I’m supposed to.

Five o’clock signals the change–
rush to the dark and safe
escape of a bar stool and beer,
numbing the pain and guilt
and the hurt of feeling guilt,
never truly doing what I’m supposed to.

Guilt, hate, and pain co-mingle,
dancing in the chambers of my heart
destroying relationships and self–
unable to pull away like I’m supposed to
and truly be there for the ones I love,
to face the pain to forgive myself.

Forgiveness of an imperfect human,
loving and caring that turns
to bitter tears of self-loathing.
Alcohol induced numbing–
How can I do what I’m supposed to
and nurture and love through the pain?

How can I make them spend time with me
when I can’t stand to be around myself?
Isolated, alone, trapped within those
four chambers, the underground of my heart.
Not knowing how to walk through the
concrete walls of addiction in order
to do what I’m supposed to do.

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Rhyme Royal

I’m horribly late joining G-Man’s Friday Flash 55 fun and Fireblossom has given us the challenge to write a Rhyme Royal for today’s challenge at Real Toads.  I’m combining the two challenges.

Lying in bits and pieces of glitter and fairy dust
I view all the shattered sections of my life
seeing my youthful mind beginning to rust
thoughts of trouble, pain and loss run rife.
Enough of this darkness and unpleasant strife!

I vow to celebrate life each new day
with love, music and magical play!

Old Wounds

 

For open links at Real Toads and d’Verse Poets.

dead thistleProstrate on the ground,
frozen and barren of life,
attacking from all sides,
old hurts scream from deep
within my memories and
break open allowing fresh
blood to seep into new wounds.

worthless
failure
inadequate

The ugly fears reappear
bigger than ever,
larger than life experiences,
newly freed from prison;
old voices come screaming
back into my mind,
nails pounded into my heart.

stupid
shameful
strange

Retreating from their onslaught
and hiding from the world,
giving up hope and dreams,
I beg Mother Nature help me
overcome my coward’s heart
to disappear into earth’s
all enveloping eternal hug.